Day of discrimination

As I've stated before in my blogs, I have been learning a lot from people of other countries. Most specifically, how they feel about Americans. I learned something today that didn't sit well with me and then something further happened that pretty much confirmed what I had heard.

As an expatriate (expat), many of us are faced with discrimination on a daily basis...some good, some bad. Many Chinese people want to dangle their expat friends on their arm, as a way to show off they do, indeed, know expats - well enough to "hang out" with them. Basically, we're hood ornaments for the Chinese. The local markets reek of discrimination for all travellers, expats, foreigners and tourists. I went with a Chinese friend to one of the markets. She asked the vendor how much something was (in Chinese). The guy looked at both of us and responded, "For you or for her (the "her" being me)?" My Chinese friend told me that is was 3 yuan for her and 5 for me. This is the kind of thing that expats already know they have to deal with and on most days, they take it with a grain of salt. However, there are those other days, you just can't help but feel so mad about something like that!

It's DIRECT and GROSS discrimination...in a society that supposed to handle almost everything with such subtlety in order to "save face". In fact, WE (the expats and foreigners in general) are supposed to bend over backwards to accommodate that #1 rule over here...to SAVE FACE!! But, almost every day, the average expat has to deal with some level of hypocrisy when dealing with a Chinese person.

Back home, we have volumes of issues concerning discrimination. Certain people are looked at funny and they are offended. Some people don't see their language written on a document and they are offended. Some people are offended when others don't give them direct eye contact. Do we base our opinions of others on over-exaggerated generalizations? Yes! I think everyone, around the world, does that to some extent. However, living here, I'm just starting to realize that there are several levels of discrimination. Some of the discrimination issues some people have back home...I want to say, "Grow up! Don't be such a baby!" While I now see that others are truly discriminated against and how that must affect their lives, on a daily basis.

The scenario I described above, in the markets, is a minimized version of, let's say...an employer having two employees in his office, one man and one woman. He looks at both of them and directly announces in front of both of them, that the man will get more money because he is a boy. Imagine how offended a woman would feel in that instance. It's a violation of something you can't control. I'm an expat. That's it. I have to pay more money - for everything. Like I said...some days...that kind of thing can just get under your skin and drive you bonkers!

Today, I was having coffee with two friends of mine, one from Switzerland and the other from Australia. We got to talking about the local markets and the attitudes of some of the [younger set] of vendors. Some of them are extremely rude. Many people have the inclination to think, "Hey, they can't be doing that bad if they can afford to be so rude!" They will sometimes refuse your business outright. Sometimes, they will scream at your back in Chinese, as your walking out the door. My friends and I were discussing this attitude phenomenon and the possible reasons for it.

Somehow, the subject turned to specific instances that my friends had been in and what they had seen in previous visits to the markets. My Australian friend relayed a story of how she witnessed an American woman being refused business in one of the shops. My Australian friend and her UK friend had just negotiated an item the American woman wanted, down to 35 RMB. But, the vendor sent the American woman away because the American woman didn't want to pay 200 RMB...for the SAME item! The vendor would rather not have her business at all, than see her pay less than 200 RMB...for an item my Australian friend was getting for 35 RMB! The American woman wasn't be rude. She just didn't want to pay 200 RMB for the item and left the shop. My Australian friend explained that her and her friend asked why the vendor wouldn't drop her price for the American woman...and the vendor responded that most of the vendors don't like Americans. Ok, this piece of information was disturbing to me...since I'm American. That means I'm really getting ripped off whenever they find out I'm American. And, yes, they ask all the time what nationality I am.

But, the truly disturbing part came a few minutes later when MY two friends started swapping "hate American" stories back and forth...with relish. They just kept going with all the "examples" either they or their friends had of people not liking Americans. They even threw stories into the mix of when vendors mistook them for Americans and they joked with the vendors about being SO offended and how the vendors would apologize PROFUSELY for the mistake. Well, at least everyone had a good laugh about it.

I hated to interrupt (I'm being sarcastic), but did they forget I was still in the room? When I made my presence known, they both had the graciousness to look a little shame faced...a little. But, they were VERY helpful to suggest I pretend to be Canadian...or even Australian. Wow. If that doesn't knock a person down a peg or two...I'm not sure what would. If nothing else...it was definitely an eye opener.

I've referred to this topic before. The world loves America, but dislikes Americans. And as I stated above, disliking Americans may be based on over-exaggerated generalizations...but, undoubtedly, based on some hard truths and actions of American people. We may have earned this reputation...and not in a good way.

Which makes me contemplate the awful behaviour of so many Americans. Granted, there are some serious cultural differences involved. Ones that are very difficult to bridge. Trust me, I know. But, wow. This is first time I've been so close to the darker side of discrimination. Let me tell you...it's not a good place to be.

The same day, my Australian friend and I went to McDonalds for lunch (we both had our kids with us). My Australian friend is a very lovely woman. But, her and I parent differently. While in McDonalds, her child ripped down a poster off the wall. My friend didn't admonish her child for it and she didn't make him pick it up. So, the kids were playing in that same area and the poster frame broke along the top...unbeknownst to us adults. We had just finished eating, when a Chinese employee started yelling and she showed us the broken poster. Guess who she was screaming at...ME and my boys. She thought, for whatever reason, that WE must be the culprits. Maybe because I had two kids and my friend only had her youngest (who is 3 years old) with her at the time?? Because I'm a ruffian American?? Who knows! The point is, my kids weren't the ones who tore down the poster. But, we were the ones who were blamed. And I was the one who ended up apologizing for someone else's kid! At this point, I was feeling the strain of all kinds of discrimination! And my friend had the GALL to joke with me on the way out how the lady was really mad at me and tearing me a new one, in Chinese. Uh, excuse me?

It's days like yesterday and today, that I just don't want to leave the house for awhile. I can't help but feel a little sick in my heart about my recent revelations regarding friends, home, country, the world.

"Ick!" Ever have that feeling? Tomorrow is a new day. There is ALWAYS something new that pops up. Why does that comment always make me feel a little nervous while in China? haha