Chinese Massage

Let me give you a little insight as to the differences between a "regular" massage, often found in the States..and a Chinese massage. A Chinese massage is very different and not so...relaxing. The other day, I went with a couple of friends to get a foot massage. My first one! A 60 min. foot massage averages out to be about $10.25 USD over here. Hey, not bad!

FYI - a regular massage is with all your clothes on and where they rub you down through the material. If you want a more "traditional" massage, you need to request an OIL massage or I have seen some places advertise it as a "Hong Kong" type massage.

My foot massage. First, they give you a 15 min neck and shoulder massage and THEN begin your foot massage. Well, it turns out that you have to specify to NOT beat you. You think I'm kidding, right? I'm not. One of my girlfriends still had bruises on her shins from her last pedicure. Yikes!

The little 15 min massage prior to our foot massage turned out to be a full chiropractic treatment. My torso was twisted, my arms pulled back and cross ways, my vertebrae sufficiently rubbed raw and cracked. I didn't realize I could move in so many ways. Truly! Ok, I'll know better next time to specify...NO BEATINGS PLEASE!

I have mentioned I live in a little more rural area with a higher number of Chinese than some of the other expat communities in Shanghai. So, I started to look around for something closer to home. I visited a [relatively] nice Chinese massage place and decided to give it a try. Nobody spoke a word of English. My driver helped me figure out what I would be paying for exactly and I figured we could stumble through the rest. For a 90 minute massage, it costs about $25 USD.

I was taken immediately back to a room. It was clean, but not as posh as an expat massage parlor. It was a little unclear as to how much I was to disrobe and where I should put my stuff. So, I did what any other westerner would do, I stood there and stared until someone made it clear to me what the next step should be.

I thought it was a nice gesture...they brought me COLD water to drink and turned up the AC for me. Alright, now what? One lady left, another came in with a towel and some oil. She "helped" me disrobe by waiting for me to strip my clothes and she hung them up across the room. I can't say THAT was very comfortable...especially since she stood and watched me (naked!) get on the table where she then proceeded to cover me up.

My first thought as she began was, "Please don't hurt me." I had tried to make it clear I wanted a SWEDISH massage, a nice, smooth, gentle massage. Everyone shook their heads as if they knew exactly what I was talking about. They seemed to understand I didn't want a Chinese massage and they seemed to know the difference. Okay, here we go...

She proceeded to rub me down like I was the next meal she was seasoning for supper. Super fast and vigorous strokes, all over. First the back part of my body. Rub, rub, rub. Let's just say I have the same knots I had when we started plus some new ones.

She asked me to turn over (without the benefit of a towel to cover me). Once I did, she put the towel over me again and did my shins. Once she was finished, I felt the towel come off my upper body. Now, what does she think she'll be massaging? I didn't need to wonder for long...

She rubbed my intestines and stomach region. Nothing like a vigorous abdominal rub to get things movin'! It works better than Metamucil! And what woman wouldn't LOVE her fat to be rubbed vigorously across her stomach, making the table shake from the force of it? Verry relaaxxxing! My eyes flew open when she proceeded to massage my entire breasts...EXXCUUSE ME!? Don't we want to get to know each other a little better first??? Really!

So, here's the crux of it. I had a few choices. I COULD tell her what was on my mind at that very moment. However, she couldn't understand a word I said and wouldn't understand why I wanted her to stop. Then she would go get someone else and they wouldn't understand and I would have to try and explain it over again...all while naked with no towel! Or I could walk out. However, there would still need to be some explanations and a lot of "face" would be damaged, which is a #1 big no-no over here. It's all about saving face and she would have thought she did something very wrong if I just walked out. Or I could just let her finish since, at her pace, she would be done very soon.

I let her finish. Hey, what are you going to do?! Anything else seemed too exhausting and the whole point of being there in the first place was to try and relax. BREATHE DEEPLY! One thing I learned, is that the muscles beneath the fatty part of a women's breast holds tension. That actual muscle is rarely massaged in a professional manner, if ever. What am I saying? It's NEVER massaged that way! I was experiencing a total "Joey and his tailor" moment there, from the show Friends!

I think I'll stick to the more expat friendly massage parlors from now on. I'm sure I'll feel less...violated! haha Don't worry...I'll know all the GOOD places to go get cheap massages by the time any of you come to visit. Count on it! The things I'm willing to do in the name of research. Ha! :)