Update on the boys...

I know many of you who read these blogs are interested in how our boys, specifically, are faring. So, I thought I'd give you a brief update about their little lives.

As I mentioned earlier, their behavior on arrival to China definitely needed some work. We enrolled them in a local summer camp for 3 weeks near our home and, unfortunately, it was an all day program or nothing. The first week was an adjustment period in which we weren't sure what variables were affecting them in their environment. By the end of the first week, I had made an impromptu visit to the camp and realized Ryan was crying upstairs with nobody to talk to other than a Chinese teacher. During enrollment, I was told that there would be English speaking teachers there throughout the term. After that visit, I surmised that the ONLY English speaking teacher there, was the one who manned the counter in case other expats came in and had questions. The first week was hard for the boys, and again, I wasn't really sure what variables in their life were causing their distress...it could have been anything. Ryan was still acting out, which made me nervous about leaving him (and which I often either kept him at home or picked him up half day) and he would cry and shake his head 'no' when we approached the school or even mentioned "school". A little separation anxiety is normal, but my gut was telling me this was a little more serious. I also knew he enjoyed playing with other kids and craved that diversion as well. He definitely was not happy sitting at the house all day long, especially without Brandon. So, what to do? Brandon mentioned that other kids had thrown some things at him on the playground and when I asked him if he told the teacher, his response was, "Yes, I did! But, they didn't do anything." A-HA!!!

At his response, a faint memory tugged at the corners of my overloaded and very tired mind. I remember my own mother telling me that when I was a toddler/pre-schooler?, she had hired a purely Spanish speaking helper to babysit us on occasion. She had hoped my sister and I would become bi-lingual with Spanish. She also mentioned that I screamed like the dickens (more than usual) whenever she left us with her...which wasn't very often. My sister might have different memories of this babysitter as she is 5 1/2 years older, but I DO remember one instance when my mom was leaving and I remember feeling very "panicked" about her departure. INSANELY panicked...yes, I remember that. I also remember FINALLY calming down to the occasional hiccup long after she left, as I sat next to the doorjamb of our front door, clinging to the doorknob. My mom always said she had determined she must have been abusing us (or something) because of my insane desperation every time she left. Needless to say, my mom promptly chucked her out and with that action, my mom's bi-lingual hopes for her girls went right down the drain. ;)

So, by now, I'm suspecting that my boys' response to THIS school is different for a specific reason. Because they both definitely LOVED school and daycare back home.

By the second week, I had a little chat with their English speaking teacher about some of MY expectations for the care of our boys while attending their little school. I pointed out that their Chinese speaking children had the ability to speak their grievances to any one of the teachers...and be heard. I reminded her that when we signed them up, we were told there would be English speaking teachers available on hand. Technically, this lady was the only one. So, I very clearly outlined how I wanted my kids' care handled from then on until camp ended. I pointed out that the needs of their English speaking kids were just as important and the needs of their Chinese speaking children. So, I told her I expected an ENGLISH speaking teacher to be close at hand for Ryan and his needs. He has a few English words under his belt now and he CAN communicate his needs - in English. Also, I told her that if Brandon goes to a teacher for ANYTHING, she needed to explain to her [strictly] Chinese speaking teachers that they MUST seek her out immediately to find out what he needs and why.

Trans-for-mation! By the third (and final) week, BOTH boys were begging to go to school. They couldn't wait to get out of the car to join their school friends. Ryan would perform a "happy dance" in his car seat as we pulled up. Wow! When I went to pick them up, they didn't want to leave...especially Ryan! He would protest loudly and I had to haul him off - physically. Again, wow...what a difference! That's the power of communication!

In conclusion to my previous story about my own childhood, I now believe my desperation and panicky emotions to my mom leaving our house was most likely due to the fact that I had no way of communicating my needs to this woman who ONLY spoke Spanish. Kids learn this stuff pretty quickly and it can have a devastating effect on their little psyches if they think they can't communicate to the only adult who can satisfy their needs and protect them.

Camp has ended and we are in week #1 of 2, before they both start their "real" school on September 1st. I'm glad things were figured out by the time their camp ended, because they are now very positive and happy about starting their "big" school. Whew!

Unfortunately, our gentle and kind ayi got hurt on the job and we have INSISTED she take some time off this week and ONLY resume her duties here once she feels better. :( But, I have to say, the extra space around the house and the lack of constant strangers coming and going has been nice. The break has been especially nice since the boys and I are together once again during the days and we can really enjoy each other's company without much distraction. I can leisurely pick and choose our activities. I feel we can just "hang" for awhile in the house. And the boys are responding very positively to it as well. I think we all feel almost "normal" and that goes a very long way with the boys. Their behavior is, once again, in line with what I expect from each of their age groups. Double whew! Back to having some good days, some bad days...instead of each day primarily being a bad (and exhausting) day with the kids!

This morning, we hosted a little playgroup here at the house with my Australian friend and her two boys. Her boys are almost the same ages as both of mine (hers are 2.5 and 6, mine are 2 and 4.5), so it was nice they could play in the house together for awhile, without any stress. They played, they had snacks, they played some more...and had more snacks. Typical BOYS! Although, we STILL don't have our stuff (a.k.a., toys), Uncle Steve's arcade joystick came in very handy!! :)

We have a trip to what's called The Activity Box planned with some other kids on Thursday. It's a place where they have a ton of pretend play stuff...and snacks. And this weekend, we are entertaining the idea of visiting the Space & Technology Museum with my Australian friend's family. And every day in between these trips, I think we will just chill out or make sure that whatever we do stays CASUAL.

I'm enjoying the fragments of peace this week and the closest thing to "normal" I have felt since arriving. The kids are happy and healthy and looking forward to whatever comes each day. :)