Loyalty

You know...recently, I've been learning a lot about myself. On my path to self discovery, I have even more recently learned who I have formed close attachments to here in China. If you asked me yesterday, "Are you close to anyone over there?" or "Will it be hard to leave people you know in China?", my answer would have been "Uh, no...I don't think so." However, today, out of pure instinct, I have learned otherwise. I have learned that I have, indeed, formed some deep-er attachments to certain individuals, which took me by complete surprise.

Those who know me best, know that ONE of my truer and deeper set characteristics is...loyalty. I'm 100% loyal to those I have committed myself to in one way, shape or form. This includes family, friendships and yes, even service providers. I'm completely loyal to my chiropractor back home. I know I will have a very hard time switching loyalties to another acupuncturist after leaving China...IF at all. I really do love my acupuncturist. So, see? That's just one "relationship" I have committed myself to here in China.

In China, only Chinese people with a Chinese ID can sell Amway. Amway is one of the few (if not ONLY) direct sales companies allowed in China. Most of you know that being approached by an Amway person back home means...trouble. Whether it's to sell you Amway's products or to try and get you to be a "downline" for them...it means trouble. For some reason, Amyway consultants are absolutely relentless in their pursuit - everywhere you go!

Anyway, I have a Chinese friend who sells Amway. This person is an unusually motivated and ambitious person...which happens to be PERFECT for Amway! For the longest time, my friend never approached me about Amway. I thought, "Cool!" However, very recently, she has become this relentless Amway consultant. She decided to expand her business to the expat market. As her friend, I have been helping her with translation, etc. She tried to bring me in as her [silent] "partner" (I can't have an account number because I don't have a Chinese ID), because she felt bad that I was helping her and I wasn't interested in getting any money for it. This really didn't make any sense to her and I'm sure she has thought more than once I must be a little loose in the head...for NOT wanting to make money! haha I made it clear that, as her friend, I was helping her and that I wasn't willing to make the kind of commitment it took to be successful as an Amway employee. However, she was absolutely relentless about it and approached me all the time...suddenly. Although I was annoyed, I also knew my own boundaries and I knew I wouldn't be giving in any time soon. So, it became this "automatic" response. She approached me, I told her "no." Over and over and over again.

However, recently, she went too far. I have an absolute loyalty to the two guys at our ayi company. They are young (late 20s), super nice, have helped us tremendously over the last several months WITH a smile every time, and they started their company with a new thought (to China) in mind...creating "harmony" in the work place. I know that doesn't sound like any big deal...but HERE, in China, it's a "far out" concept. Now, with the world's economy slowing down, expats going home, their office being in the "countryside", they are a little worried they might be shut down. So, I asked my Chinese friend to help me refer them to people she knows. She told me "Yes! Absolutely!"..with the typical Chinese smile on her face. Ok, whatever, fine. I could see she probably wouldn't...but, hey, that's her business. However, a few weeks later, she asked to meet the guys at the ayi company because she wanted to talk to them. On the way to their office, I found out she wanted to promote her business by placing brochures in their office. I stopped her, looked her straight in the eye, and asked, "Are you planning to refer these guys out to people you know?" She faltered. She was more than a little surprised that I was giving her such a direct stare while I asked the question. That's just not usually done. She replied, "I will try." I indicated that I don't want her to use these guys to further her business without an equal return.

What surprised ME was that, without thinking, I was willing to forsake my friendship with her, to protect these guys. That surprised me. I made it quite clear and was very specific that, "I'm fiercely loyal to these guys." She was very surprised to hear that from me. She faltered a second time.

Today, I had a very difficult day reconciling some differences between this friend and myself, especially with her Amway pursuit. I came home and saw a packet of Amway stuff on one of our tables. Our ayi indicated that [my friend] wanted her to sell the product and "make more money". I was furious! This surprised me...again! I found out that I'm also fiercely loyal and very protective of our ayi. She is from a rural country, farming province. She, in many ways, is "innocent" to the ways of the world. Remember...back home, many of us have had MANY encounters with different types of sales people. That's not the case here in China. Amway being one or the only direct sales business allowed, many of the Chinese people are VERY innocent to the ways of that business world. WE know many factors should be considered when you decide to sell directly. If you're serious about it, relationships/friendships/etc. can be strained or damaged by your pursuit to sell, sell, sell. There are those who are responsible about selling a product and those who don't care as much, as long as they sell.

So, when I saw the Amway packet, I directly asked my friend if she was the one who gave it to her. Her answer being, 'yes'. This means that my friend is going through me, to the people I know, behind my back, to further her career. Yes...I get it...it's all about networking. Of course, she'll try and do this. However, I'm beginning to sense a predatory aura surrounding my friend, and my ayi, in my eyes, became her prey. Our ayi is COMPLETELY unknowing of these kinds of things. I immediately took on the role of protector and essentially told my friend to "Back Off!" Ok, I didn't say it quite like that, but I DID indicate to my friend that if she wants to approach anyone I may care about with Amway, I suggest she convince ME first how it will improve their life. Whoa! Did I actually do that? Yes! I still can't believe it! But, in my defense, I acted on instinct. I was soooo mad that she would choose to "prey" on MY ayi...behind my back!

I guess the moral of this story is that, yes, I do have people I care about here...unbeknownst to me. My instinctual reaction of loyalty has proven it. My loyalty stems from my heart, not my head. The other moral to this story?? I don't think any more Amway people should approach me any time soon! haha