Strange week

This is a week filled with activities! A close friend of mine, who is Chinese, is celebrating her birthday two days before I celebrate mine. In addition...I was invited to go to a jewelry party with another friend, I'm organizing a good-bye lunch for someone else and on behalf of my friend and myself, I'm trying to organize a ladies night out to celebrate our birthdays with mutual friends.

Back home, this kind of activity filled week would be a piece of cake. However, when dealing with international women, you never know what will happen...which can be frustrating.

To top it all off, I have been feeling very introspective lately...and scared for reasons I'm not willing to disclose at the moment. So, all in all, this is turning out to be a very weird and strange week...emotionally.

I was thrilled to be invited to the jewelry party, since I haven't seen a "product" party since arriving here and wasn't sure if they even existed or were possible. So, with a light heart, I attended this party on the arm of a girlfriend. It turns out the entire group of women at this house, including the hostess, are British...with the exception of two New Zealanders and one Australian (my friend). Normally, this wouldn't have been an issue. However, this particular group were SO unfriendly and very clickish! I'm pretty good at socializing and I actually had to work HARD throughout the evening to even be included in their "group" discussions...and that was only after they were drinking glasses of wine all night. Even my girlfrind found companionship with the New Zealanders in the room, in which I officially felt left out after that. They talked about joining musical instrument clubs together (instruments apparently specific to that region of the world). So, I was left to look at the same jewelry over and over again just for something to do. Hell, I even booked a party of my own just for something else to do! It was pathetic and I wanted to leave about 20 minutes after arriving. Like I said, I actually made an gargantuan effort to socialize, ie, asking people questions, giving my input whenever possible...to little or no effect. It was a very frustrating evening and it reminded me of all the "crap" I hate about clickish women back home. PAL-EASE! What's worse, is that these women's children go to BISS, the school Brandon will be attending next year. I sure hope I find friendlier women than this group next year...but one never knows in an International community.

I have been putting in an effort to organize at least three different events this week...a spa day for my friend's b-day, a good-bye lunch and the big b-day ladies night out. All three events are turning out to be almost more trouble than it was worth to organize. When dealing with different cultures, there are some "allowances" you have to expect. But even knowing that, it doesn't mean it's any less frustrating when things don't go as smoothly as you know they would back home. I'm a planner...everyone who knows me, knows that. So, organizing events are ususally no trouble at all...it's what I do. Well, it's just not the same over here and I'm trying to decide how often I want to keep trying to do it. I don't have an answer to that...yet.

My friend who is celebrating her b-day, is Chinese. She, normally, doesn't get to do anything fun on her b-day...so I decided to take her out...expat style. I had planned to do things that are meant to "pamper". Having planned a spa day of sorts, there were a few activities that required appointments. My chinese friend didn't seem to understand this as she was "running late" from the get go. If I had known she had certain obligations before meeting me that day, I would have considered it when making the appointments. I wish there wasn't such a failure to communicate with just about, anyone chinese. All day, I had no idea if she liked the activities - or not. And the frustrating thing about it, is she would never tell me she would have rather done something else or eaten somewhere else...even though THIS friend I always think I can count on to "not be so Chinese." Hmmm...guess not.

I have been working with the school in organizing a good-bye lunch for a fellow parent from school. She has been extremely helpful in her volunteer efforts as a Class Parent. I'm the Class Parent Coordinator. So, I had approached the principal and asked if the school was willing to give all the Class Parents some sort of token gift for their efforts. The school responded enthusiastically and asked me to coordinate what to give them and where to find it. So, I did. I had found an appropriate gift and the school said they would take over the ordering and purchasing of it. Great! However, I found out today that their purchaser was just now in the process of having some words embroidered onto the shirts of the panda bears. Ok, normally that would be fine...but I was very specific that I, personally, wanted to give this Class Parent her gift, especially since I had organized everything weeks ago and made sure I communicated that I wanted at least ONE finished for this person for her good-bye lunch. The school had said "no problem." I find out that the principal wants to hand it to her and had purposefully delayed the process to do it on a day convenient for her. A day she knew I wouldn't be able to be at school, which happens to the very last day this Class Parent will be at school before she moves. Grrr. Talk about taking credit! I could hardly believe it! What really galls me about this is that I have worked very hard to coordinate these parents all year long, having wanted to give up the position many times since it was very demanding on my time. But, I didn't and I was totally railroaded by the principal! SO frustrating! Grrr.

I had organized a "mutual" b-day party and invited some friends for dinner and drinks on the weekend. Between the both of us, there were at least twenty people on the invite list. If nobody was able to come, that would have been fine. But, what I find extremely frustrating is the chinese efforts to "save face." What this means, is that they either can't come or don't want to, but instead of saying so, they insinuate they'll be able to make it and the closer the day of the event, one-by-one, they drop out for one reason or another. And the reason(s) are always "sudden." Like...my husband left this morning out of town and I have no idea when he'll be back. Really?? No idea?? Or...we have been [suddenly] invited to a wedding this weekend and my husband thinks we should go. Wow...really? A two day advance notice on a wedding?? It's SO frustrating! I actually don't even need or want a reason they don't want to or can't make it...just as long as they could tell me this upfront. This whole "process" is really ridiculous. And this "process" was confirmed by a chinese friend, which she happens to find frustrating as well. So, it's not my imagination! Initally, I told the restaurant to reserve a table for a certain number...and I think that number will be cut by more than half by the time of the event. Cultural differences...can be SO frustrating!

So...it's been a really weird week for me. Even after people have settled into this expat thing here in China, they still admit to having "bad China days." I can relate. Although, this is turning out to be a frustrating China week.