Reality people!

Ok...as much as I try to get around this topic and yes, even in some cases, actually try and ACCEPT it, I can't help but talk about the subject of toilets over here! Toilets, toilets, toilets! I know I'm going to have something like 20 blogs about this in the end. In fact, just going over my previous blogs, I'm proud of myself for abstaining from talking about the subject as much as I have. I definitely have days where I want to SCREAM my frustration about this! Aaaaaggghhhhhhhhhhh!!! Ok, I feel better.

It frustrates me to NO END the level of obscurity the chinese seem to think about their toilet habits...if they even do. So, mostly, they have squat toilets over here. No surprise, right? Does everyone actually knoowww what the proper etiquette is when using squat toilets? First, you are supposed to BRING your own TP (that's important). Second, you're supposed to avoid the puddles of BOTH types of bodily waste while trying to straddle the hole in the ground. Third, it's recommended you have Olympic medals in "squatting." If you don't, well then, you are just s*** out of luck...no pun intended. Fourth, avoid leaving your house at all if you even THINK you might have a nervous colon that day. Fifth, NEVER drop your TP in the toilet because it can't flush it down...so you have to (along with everyone who was there before you) deposit your USED TP in the OPEN trash container to the side of the hole in the ground. Friends...I don't think I have to paint the picture THAT makes! And sixth, but definitely NOT the least, wash your hands with plain water because soap isn't usually provided (Gee...did I forget to put that canister of liquid soap in my purse again?) and then don't forget...try and dry your hands under the luke warm, energy efficient dryer that only works once...before you touch the poop and germ infested door handle on your way out!

THAT is squat toilet procedure. Now, if you're lucky enough to find a "western" toilet...but you happen to find it in a "local" area. Well, that provides a whole other kind of adventure in your day. Again, heaven help you if you forget your own TP! Ahhh, now here's the crux. You feel giddy about finding a western toilet. However, you scramble to find the one little packet you keep in your purse for JUST this emergency. You locate the tissue package at the bottom of your purse, blow off the dust, turn towards the toilet...and realize, you have a choice. You can use your tissue to a) cover the nice western style toilet seat you were so lucky to find or b) actually use the TP for what man had created it for. Why do you have to make this choice?? Because the EMPTY TP containers in ALL the stalls indicate that while TP was originally considered for this toilet area, the implementation of such ingenuity was completely LACKING! Where is the toilet manager???? So, you're back to squatting...only this time, you are using an entirely different set of muscles trying to keep your derriere up and off the icky toilet seat...that, my friends, is a completely different angle to point your backside! And you walk out feeling incredibly lucky if you didn't run out of your little package of TP BEFORE you were done wiping. If you did...haha, well, too bad. When you're done, you're done. And I recommend that ANYONE visiting this city ALWAYS wear underwear. It's not an option...sometimes...it's just a necessity.

Reality...CHECK!

Ok...the only reason I bring this up, is because for some ODD reason, this topic keeps coming up in almost every female social circle I have entered the past couple of weeks. Again, how odd. The first time it was brought up, I was having lunch with two of my chinese speaking friends. I don't remember the context of our direct conversation, but they both agreed that westerners (female) should never leave their western men alone, for long, here in China. Wow. That seemed like a statement...especially coming from Chinese women. They said that many chinese women will stop at nothing to get a western man. It doesn't matter what they look like, etc...they are after a western passport...and all the other "goodies" that come along with snatching up a western man. Whoa...okayyy.

Then, a few days later, I was at a party with all western women and several of the women started speaking about different scenarios of affairs they knew about. Typical woman gossip, right? Many of these expat women had been expats for MANY years and known all sorts of other expat families. They were not shy about giving the details of some of these affairs. Sadly, many of the stories were about western men who had dumped their wives and kids, sent them packing back to their home country and remarried their 'exotic service' chinese massage therapists. Stupid men. Apparently, that happens a lot here. Stupid men. The good news...is that I have found out how many chinese women spurn those "man stealers". One, because those women have stepped away from their culture and acted no better than a slut and two, because these women have purposely broken up marriages to get what they want....which gives them a "black heart." Coincidentally, on this particular evening, I had also heard about a couple of western women having affairs with their drivers because their husbands travelled and worked so much. Some of the drivers know this about the husbands and pay particular attention to their western employers. They end up taking care of them, when their husbands fail to do so. Sad...

I was having dinner with some ladies of a "mixed" crowd recently, and AGAIN, the subject came up...and even MORE stories of how chinese women like to steal western men, and some of them were their own personal stories! Like how a chinese woman was writing love notes to one woman's husband at work, etc.

Then, most recently, I was having lunch with another group of ladies and AGAIN the subject came up! Is it in the air?? Is it a full moon!?? And this time, a couple of them had their own personal stories to tell. Like how one of the women in the group came to Shanghai because her husband was having an affair with a chinese woman. So, she quit her job in her home country (which she didn't want to do in the first place) and joined him to "keep an eye on him." Isn't that crazy!?? What's really incredible is how these women were so candid and open about it all. Like they wanted everyone else to learn from them...or something.

Reality...CHECK!

I guess these are all the "realities" of living here...but some of them are so sad. With a 50% divorce rate in an expats home country...you can add an additional 30% on top of that for expats (that's a real statistic), especially in places so hard to live. Sometimes, both spouses feel like they can go a little crazy with all the pressure they each endure in places like this. Many couples feel like they are damned if the do...or damned if they don't. Just as many couples face divorce when one spouse chooses to stay home and the other chooses to go be an expat somewhere. However, when they both decide to go, each faces their own issues, pressure, challenges and troubles. Many people also face depression...THAT is also a reality. The men work a lot to "escape" or to keep up with the demands of their company and the women slip further away in one way or another. It's so, so sad. But, such a reality. Nobody really ever tells you about this kind of stuff when you are considering moving to a place like this. This is the kind of stuff you just have to "learn the hard way." Like an initiation of sorts. Maybe that's what separates the levels of expats... or number of years you've been one. Experience.

Well, you can rest easy...Allen and I have come a loooonngggg way since when we first landed on this planet. We are closer than ever in our relationship. Go figure...all we had to do to get to this place between us...is move to China. Ha!