Repatriation

Re-what? Repatriation. About this time of year, all the expat magazines and newsletters come out with some type of article about this. It's important because many of expats forget to actually THINK about going home. We pour a ton of energy to moving over here from our home countries...we sweat over the details of settling in over here...we ride the emotional roller coasters...we work extra hard to save our marriages...we do the appropriate worrying about our kids' growth in a foreign land...we DO IT! However, many of us expats forget one minor detail - and struggle - and that is going home.

Many repatriates advise the rest of us...expatriates who are still here...about the dangers of going home. Apparently, there is a fine line between being here and being here too long. The longer you stay, the harder it is to go back. We have first hand accounts of this as well as have read countless stories about it.

For many expats, the idea of "going home" is a thrilling thought...especially from such a difficult place to live. However, many people tend to gloss over the idea of repatriating to their home countries because they have so many other things to worry about. And when it comes time to actually do it, they are busy with the move, ie the packing, and then the unpacking. It's when they get all settled again in their home countries, they sit back and go "Oh, crap. Now what do I do?"

Why does this happen? For several different reasons, apparently. According to one article in the magazine, Shanghai Family, people don't take the time to take necessary steps to prevent the effects of repatriation. According to this article, it's not just about "going home," it's a process...and it's called repatriation. It's important to recognize it as a process.

Some people don't say goodbye properly to new friends by seeing them a lot before they go, and then they end up missing their new friends fiercely when they return home. Some people expect to move right back into a social setting that they left 2-3 years before. Some people had sold their houses and they don't have a home to go back to, thus creating more upheaval in their lives. Some couples try and separate, having one go first and then the other follows...which often creates marital tension for many different reasons. Some people find it hard to gain their equilibrium after having hired help for so long. There are many reasons why this process is so difficult and it's made clear that the MAIN reason it's hard is because it's not addressed properly by the expats who are going home.

The fact is that the lives people had before they left their home countries, irrevocably change with their move. And when they return, they find that their friends and family have moved on to different things in the few years they had been gone. It just can't be exactly the same. People have babies, get married, change jobs, re-locate, etc. Life moves forward for everyone.

When Allen and I decided to do this, I had mentioned to him that I had moved often enough to know exactly this thing. I KNEW my life before our move to China wouldn't be the same one I would step back into when we returned. That was the saddest part about leaving. Because I was content and happy in our life before this move. And while I know I'm gaining so much more that is indescribable to many people, it doesn't change the fact that there is some sense of loss for the life I left. I can only hope that I'm able to find a new dynamic that makes me just as happy. For example...My friend and neighbor, who I used to "play with" during the day, has gotten a job. Another close friend of mine added a couple of other jobs in addition to her role as mother and wife. Another friend has ensconced herself into additional social activities that has rewarded her with a TON of new friends. Many friends I had before, have children who now go to a separate school than my boys will when we return. What is the reality that I'll be able to "hang out" with these good friends of mine in the same capacity? Slim. So, like moving here...I'll have to once again find a groove that works for me. I'm confidant it will happen, but my question is always...how long will it take? How long will I feel isolated? How long must I suffer the loneliness?

These are always the questions I have when moving to a different place. And it seems, that repatriation won't be much different. I'm glad I'm getting a head's up to this "process" that seems to need to happen, so I can do my very best in trying to prepare for it. I will miss many new friends here and it is always hard to leave friends behind...again, there will be a sense of loss. But, this is a reality for expats. We make friends under, often times, duress. This can be a powerful bond between two people...something only a few people can understand and relate with each other. When we go back home, the reality of these friendships dissolving is out there. However, we always hope that the bonds we have formed will be strong to endure the busy lives we lead when everything is "familiar" once again. Once we are home, life seems to take over...while living here, it seems to stand still. That is quite a difference, my friends!

We don't have to worry about any of this - yet. But, again, I'm glad to be aware of it for down the line. It's an interesting topic and one that comes up quite often over here. Several expats we have met have lived here for so long, they found they couldn't or had no desire to repatriate back home...much to their families disappointment. Is that what happens to many of the Chinese, Korean, Indian, or other foreign people who migrate to the States? Do they stay so long that they no longer desire to return home? I guess I'll never know. But, it is a chance to, perhaps, step into another person's shoes and see it through their eyes for awhile...